19 Nov LOVER – The Archetype of Connection
The Lover archetype is on a vertical axis with The King archetype somatically (within our bodies). What this means is if The King archetype operates from the top-down, The Lover archetype operates from the bottom-up. Whereas The Magician and The Warrior archetype’s we could say operate on our left and right hand sides respectively.
This is important because from a functional perspective, we could say that the King/Lover axis is central to who we are. While we could say that the Warrior and the Magician operate on a horizontal axis. Therefore, as a result, we have a Mind (Our Magician) to perceive and reason ‘who we are’ with a Will (Our Warrior) to drive and take action so that – ‘who we are’ – is able to survive and thrive in the environment – where we are!
The Lover is the part of you which connects with life, it connects with the world around you and the people in it. It is also through the Lover that we connect to ourselves – the world within.
The King as we’ve discussed on The Idea of a Man™ webpage dedicated to The King Archetype is the archetype which represents our Sovereignty – our Sovereign right to exist without apology or justification. It’s the part of us that fundamentally is!
We are here, and all that that entails. We have, therefore, to come to terms with and learn to function in life as us in such a way as to get from life what we want out of life and give to life from the abundance of the gifts we discover within ourselves.
Many of these gifts are discovered inside The Lover archetype, within The Lover archetype we discover our ‘Inner Child’, the playful, adventurous part of ourselves which has never grown up or gone away. But who perhaps has been hidden away as we have tried to navigate life as grown ass men on this earth.
This is why it’s so important to come to a working understanding of these ‘parts’ of ourselves. Understanding The King and The Lover is imperative to developing our understanding of who we are. When we ask as we do in Chamber #1 of The Idea of a Man™ – ‘Who am I?’, by interrogating our Sovereignty, and our inner Lover we will learn a great deal about who we are and also what we want.
What we want out of life – should inform the answer to the question, ‘Where do I fit?’ As you’ll know these questions are the initial questions in the Idea of a Man’s™ – 12 Chambers which asking and answering enables us to go from Survival Mode into Thrival Mode.
In order for us to thrive, an open, honest dialogue with the part of ourselves which we are identifying as the archetype of The Lover will go a long way. We need to be prepared to discover what the drives, and impulses within us are actually telling us about us.
However, in the world in which we live, our drives and impulses have in many ways been demonised, and we can understand the reason for this, considering that human beings, shall we say ‘Men’ have been driven to do a wide range of sometimes exceedingly nefarious things in response to ‘following their, drives and impulses’. Following our impulses as men for many of us has resulted in some of our worst decisions. And perhaps as a man you do not want to have a dialogue with the part of yourself which you may feel has been the cause of some of your deepest regrets and caused you immense; grief, shame and sorrow. And in response to that sentiment, please let me state as a man and fellow – ‘Hero’s Journey Traveller’; ‘I understand!’
The Lover is the part of you which connects with life, it connects with the world around you and the people in it. The King as we’ve discussed on the King page is the archetype which reflects our Sovereign right to exist without apology or justification. It’s the part of us that is. We are here, and all that that entails we have to come to terms with and learn to function in life as us in such a way as to get from life what we want out of life and give to life from the abundance of the gifts we discover inside ourselves.
Many of these gifts are discovered in the Lover, inside the Lover we discover our inner child, the playful, adventurous part of ourselves which has never gone away. But who perhaps has been hidden away as we have had to try to navigate life as grown ass men. This is why understanding the importance of these parts of ourselves, the King and the Lover is imperative to developing our understanding of who we are. When we ask, ‘Who am I?’ interrogating our sovereignty, and our lover will tell us a great deal about who we are and also what we want. What we want, what we really want out of life – should inform the answer to the question, ‘Where do I fit?’ As you’ll know these questions are the initial questions in the Idea of a Man’s 12 chambers which asking and answering enables us to go from Survival mode to Thrival Mode.
However, I cannot let us off the hook so easily, and the reason is that it is the fact we put these ‘parts’ of ourselves into shadow, by brushing them under the carpet, hiding the skeletons in our closets or ignoring the elephants in our rooms that these concealed, unconfronted energies leek out in inappropriate expressions. It’s almost as though, if we ignore these intrinsic parts of who we are, rather than go away, from time-to-time they will seek to get our attention by popping out sometimes in ways which to be honest are not convenient and may not be very pretty.
And this is why throughout the dialogue here at The Idea of a Man™ you’ll see I repeatedly encourage intentionality – By engaging in Intentional Living you’ll discover this way of showing up to be a game changer, because it literally puts you – ‘Your Sovereign Self’ into the driving seat of your life, which is where you need to be so that you can navigate the powerful drives, impulses and energies which burn from the Fire in the Belly and your lower Root Chakras coiled and waiting to pounce, if not brought to consciousness and breathed up the spine to intertwine with our higher energies of heart, speech, insight and sovereignty.
Additionally you may or may not be aware, that because those who for better or for worse have as their primary life objective the accumulation and amassment of great wealth operate unscrupulously when it comes to extracting or mining money from wherever it can be mined, they will seduce via our Lower Chakras by clever marketing and unethical practices both legally and illegally. (change out the letter ‘W’ in the word Lower, for a ‘V’ and the word Lower becomes Lover, so you can see how encoded this is).
Consider for a prime example a drug dealer purveying anodynes to narcotise the edge from the consciousness of their clients. We understand their activities to be illegal, but we are also aware that at every corner, there are stores full of alcohol, cigarettes, vapes, and sugar laced highly processed products which while legal, hold the masses in the sway of addiction and impulsive behaviours which do not engender the immense capacities in the human being, or encourage us to strive for any level of greatness any time soon.
And why should they? The truth be told it is not their responsibility. As one music mogul responded on the Breakfast Club when asked why he felt it was okay to promote music and media which promote a toxic lifestyle, he said, I have kids to feed.
Our disgust and righteous indignation is often aimed in the wrong direction; ‘if more intentional individuals exploit the unintentionality of unconscious Divine Beings who are not prepared to live The Examined Life, even though the unexamined life is not worth living, we are told. Clearly our responsibility as individuals is to take responsibility for our own internal dialogue. We must learn to meet our own needs as opposed to shoving them into shadow. And begin to become conscious of the processes and natural drives and impulses which occur within the body and mind of a man in the 3rd Dimension, and not be so caught off guard when a sexual impulse or desire for greater adventure, or a need for validation, intimacy, comfort, recognition or acknowledgment appears within our emotional life.
Let’s remember also, and this is important, the Lover archetype is not all about sex. Indeed sex plays an important part. But this vast aspect of who we are as we said at the beginning relates to our desire to connect with the world, life and people. All connections, plutonic connections, connections with nature, our connection with our careers, with our hobbies and interests stem from the Lover within. Therefore, being able to connect that drive with our hearts, and heads enables for an integration which transforms our relating by turning us into integrated men.
Let’s think, if your body is a vehicle and you can bring into your mind a mental dashboard, I may like to suggest two initial dials. One with King, Warrior, Magician and Lover horizontally and vertically travelling round the edges, and the other dial with the words Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired acronym (HALT) going around the edges. From the initial Archetypal dial we can ascertain how each one of these archetypes are fairing, and if the wounds we accrued in childhood within these quarters of our male psyche are – healed, healing or requiring attention. And then the ‘HALT’ dial we use to gauge how at any one time we are feeling. Is there unacknowledged, unaddressed Hunger within our lives, have we got internalised, unresolved Anger, which we need to look at. Are we feeling Lonely, abandoned, isolated, undervalued, misunderstood and underappreciated. And as a result of any of the above, or simply because we are lacking sleep, rest or self-care are we Tired? By asking and answering these questions to ourselves we take good care of ourselves, we access The Lover within and are able to begin to – Love ourselves.
To remove the negative stigma from the Lover archetype as men we need to acknowledge that we are Sensual Beings. We have invariably the 5 senses and evidently those of us with a Soul have at least a 6th sense also. Also we are Sexual Beings. The appetite which within The Agenda of our Bodies has magnetic attraction to the body of another is not sinful, nefarious, or wrong. However, if we are not holding the magnet with intention so as to connect it consciously where we have concluded we wish to engage in the level of intimacy which sexual relations involves we can find ourselves overwhelmed by unchecked drives which result in far reaching consequences.
If you don’t believe me, ask the many young men and women who do not know their father, ask the many women who are mothering children alone, and ask the many men who are not able to bring any level of control or regulation to their sexual impulsiveness and who find themselves spiralling in internalised guilt, anxiety, shame and resultant dis-ease.
We are not educated appropriately about these things. This is why at The Idea of a Man™, I aim to provide useful resources and dialogue which can assist to expand our consciousness, and provide practical tools to overcome addiction and equip us to bring intentionality to this crucial, generative, life enhancing, life giving aspect of ourselves which is intrinsic to the reality of who we are and what as people we are here on earth to do and be.
We often hear it said that it is all about Love, the word itself carries so much baggage and decluttering the idea of love within our own minds may be a necessary first step in establishing what we want out of what we define as Love to and for ourselves. How can we connect with; ‘The Lover’ if we do not know what on earth Love itself is all about. Therefore, it behoves us to define and come to terms with this loaded subject for ourselves so that within our lives, we can experience, give and receive and enjoy the benefits of a life which is enriched by and exudes genuine Love.
We mentioned these things throughout this article: the need within ourselves for validation, intimacy, comfort, recognition and acknowledgment. We looked at, are we feeling abandoned, isolated, undervalued, misunderstood and underappreciated? The lack of acknowledgment of these realities within our lives makes it inevitable that we will not be addressing these areas of our existence and as a result we become prey for the predatorial machinations of unscrupulous marketeers. Easily identifiable victims to opportunists, vultures and those who wish to exploit our unexamined lives and use us as batteries to fuel their enterprises, while we wonder why life does not make sense and why we are unable to conclude how it is we got to where we find ourselves.
The Lover connects us with our life, it is the vital energy which courses with possibilities and has the potential to be the fount of our greatest joy, bliss and fulfilment. However, to live unashamedly the vertical axis inside us from the leadership and parental steer of The King directing the energies of The Inner Lover means while engaging our Magician, (our minds) to think and conclude realistic, meaningful strategies to live fulfilled, purposeful, meaningful lives, and our Warrior we can take action to create a life for us that has meaning to us and we get to be in Love with Life, capable of Self-Love and able to meaningfully and significantly – Love Another.
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