16 Mar I Never Thought You’d Ask! – But As You Did, I’ll Be Glad to Share My Self-Sabotage Mastery Read On and Learn How To Never Succeed Again!!

So recently I had the privilege of being asked to provide insight (via a masterclass) into my perfect system for creating my track record of failure, unfulfillment and dysfunction. Frankly I thought you’d never ask; ‘how do I do it?’ – but seeing as you did – here goes nothing. 

You might think, ‘when failing has become your one forte, why go to the extent of mastering even that?’ However, what I’ve discovered and will explore in the article below is that; mastery at the game of failure is an automatic effect of which habitual failure is the cause.  

Therefore, all you who have enjoyed sitting on the nail of failure, unfulfillment and dysfunction you’ve been warned – keep this up long enough and even you could be donned a master – not for achieving meaningful results, nor for obtaining fulfilment and joy, and certainly not for making the unfunctional function – but instead as the saying goes; “The results you get are perfect for the system you have created…” Therefore, perfection and results will find even us, those of us wading in the murky waters of ineptitude. So, for a perfectly failed, unfulfilled dysfunctional existence… read on to find out how he does it.

Failure

I wake up late, too late in fact to let my soul settle meaningfully into my meat suit, Her veritable vehicle. So by the time my consciousness is aware it exists at my address and is present in my sweaty bed, I’m already having to drag Her into the bathroom to freshen up because a glance at my phone tells me I’m already late for work and this is the second, or call it the third time I’ve been late this week. 

Okay, I’m hungry, I stuffed my face last night before sleeping and as a result my dreams were disjointed, haunting and confusing. So now my belly is telling me it wants more food. Therefore, before I get ready to log on I grab some leftover pudding from the night before, surely some carbs will energise this carcass and invigorate me to face what lies ahead. 

I solemnly make my excuses and begin the role that I find so frustratingly unfulfilling, stressful and unmotivating and I apply what remains of my energy, will-power and gusto to ensure I can come back tomorrow for more of the same. I stew all the while on my internalised anger which burns toxicity into my nervous system and veins and I reflect on how lonely and isolated I am and how no one accepts and loves a loser like me. 

Then tired and weary from circumventing this negative feedback loop I ensure I don’t take any notice of the emerging acronym spelt out by the highlighted words above – Hungry, angry, lonely and tired – HALT. 

And as a result, I don’t HALT when my sense of anxiety and depression leads me to the well worn paths of fight or flight  which stir compulsive behaviours and the resultant shame followed by more anxiety and depression and therefore more fight and flight, leading to more compulsive acting-out to anaesthetise my shame and before long I’m wallowing in failure and a whole lot of pain. 

Unfulfillment

Recently I’ve been having dreams that I’ve been having an affair. I’m not, but that would contribute immensely to the campaign of failure delineated above. The dreams are triggered by my subconscious as it awakens to the new life and intimacy which has spontaneously arisen in my marriage and the attractive, willing participant in my romantic liaison is almost unrecognisable from the nagging, frustrated elusive beauty that usually shares my waking moments. 

If I keep this up I’m going to achieve fulfilment, and possibly even happiness and maybe a little joy. Therefore, I better remind myself of the role I’ve designated to my wife. While I’m on my campaign of failure and self-sabotage her job is to be in a perpetual state of frustration and remorse at the unrealised potential she knows lurks beneath the surface of her chosen mate. 

That way I can count on her to nag me and express her disappointment in me and always be forced to carry the masculine in our relationship. And I can apply blame which as you know causes depression and accuse her of emasculating me and fuelling my depressed posture such that I exist in the unfulfilling cycle recited above.

Don’t make me repeat it, you lazy so and so – read it up there if you need to be reminded – okay here goes one more time; anxiety and depression – fight or flight – compulsive behaviours – shame – failure – rinse and repeat. 

Dysfunction

It’s like a formula really, mastering this along with what I’m about to share with you is the perfect recipe for living a dysfunctional existence and who doesn’t want one of those. I mean you can sit back and blame everyone else, and ensure you play up the victim role at maximum volume to anyone who’ll listen. Sign up to every free hand out willing to fund your campaign of loss, lack and limitation and wallow in your self inflicted quagmire of woe.

To ensure maximum dysfunction I’ve found never learning from the glaring lessons of the past works a treat every time. When life takes you round the hill rather than progressing up a level. Stay on the well worn path you’ve trodden before, or if you’re a real pro at this game, drop down a level or two by repeating past mistakes and failures. That way by doing what you’ve always done, you’ll get more of what you’ve always had. 

And if we’re all on the same page here and failure and unfulfillment are the characterising features of our lives then dysfunction is almost an inevitable by-product. But don’t take this for granted. Ensure you never live with any sense of intention, don’t take notice of the repeating cycles of life and improve on your results by inputting strategies and systems to ensure your personal growth and development. Make sure your existence is as frustrating as possible to yourself and those who have the misfortune of interacting with you. And I promise you; dysfunction, unfulfillment and failure will follow you like flies to shit for as long as your soul abides in your mortal mess. 

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Wow, that was a journey. I found it painful to write this and at the same time not actually make a negative affirmation. In real life I’m trying to be careful of my thoughts and words, particularly those I write down to ensure I’m creating a life for me which has meaning for me.

However, reflecting on the past cycles of addiction fuelled by trips to the all too familiar anxiety and depression which has riddled much of my adult life, was interesting to notice how obvious it all is when put into a context like this. 

Of course the 180 degree turn around in my marriage is by no means a spontaneous occurrence but is the effect of which diligent work is the cause. In that process I had to see how I had made my wife a mother figure as opposed to the vivacious, provocative lover I originally was attracted too and as a result it was my fault not hers that she nagged or sought to compel me to raise my game and show up as a more authentic expression of my potential. 

I had to take responsibility for the frustration I experienced as a result of putting her into this position. To do this I developed a new modus operandi I call becoming ‘un-naggable’. It is achieved by being so on top of my shit that I get there before she even has anything to worry about as well as showing up considerably more present and meaningfully in our interactions. 

For the dysfunction piece, I reflect that so much of my life has been an embarrassing repeat of past failures and unlearnt lessons. I’m grateful because most of the time I can see that I am slowly progressing up the proverbial mountain even when the same scenery appears once more on my horizon. Having resolved some of the wounds that kept me in cycles of dysfunction however, has given me a whole new hope that in many areas I can leap over certain past pitfalls and navigate shortcuts to circumvent unnecessary obstacles along the way. 

Thank you for your attention!!