19 Nov Chamber of Sovereign Mastery #7 RELATIONSHIPS
The benefits of discovering and embracing your Idea of a Man™ are experienced most significantly in the area of relationships. All interpersonal relationships, not solely our romantic liaisons. This is because clarity about ‘who you are’ and ‘what you’re about’ lets you show up unashamedly as the most authentic, integrated version of You as you interact with other beings. – However, let’s be clear, ‘intimate relationships’ take relating to a whole ‘nother level where all aspects of ourselves are reflected in how we experience and are experienced in this most vulnerable of spaces.
We’ve gone through Six Chambers to get to this point in our discourse and we are building a logical progression from asking and answering the initial question, ‘Who am I?’ – then locating ourselves on the geography of our Ideal Existence and ascertaining what it will take for us to go from living in Survival Mode to transforming our lives through living consciously, intentionally and purposefully in order that we may live in Thrival Mode. The Idea of a Man™ then provides Practical Tools to take our reality into the Market-Place.
So, we then explored Business and how to cultivate a healthy mindset and approach to Finance’s so that we can bank roll our operation, and finally we addressed the need for down-time, reflective moments and times when we literally re-create ourselves through a deeper understanding of Recreation and the importance of applying intentional recreation into our lifestyles so that we can put ourselves back together and step back into the market-place re-invigorated, revitalised and re-fuelled to live our truth and be our Idea of a Man™ in the Kingdom of our Lives.
Truth be told, however, the reality of our lives may not reflect this logical progression, so we find ourselves in complex intimate relationships without clarity, intentionality or self awareness.
In fact, for many of us as men – it is in the drama of relationships and their complex moving parts that we discover that work needs to be done on the common denominator present in every relationship, or relational interaction. Because here we experience the harvest we reap in response to the seeds we’ve sown – and we see the effects of long forgotten causes and we recognise that every finger points in one direction – squarely at our own chests, as it pertains to the results we may or may not be getting.
Now there is no need to get defensive, no one here is accusing anybody of anything. Perhaps your relational track-record is exemplary and perhaps you came with factory installed character and everything you need to avoid the mistakes and fuck up’s characteristic of many of your contemporaries,and you had all your ducks in a row, before you dipped your toe. But for many of us, The Agenda of the Body, took precedence over the more existential Agenda of The Soul and The Agenda of our Spirit.
Yes, all three of these components of our reality; Body, Soul and Spirit, have their own agenda, and we’ll explore that more fully in the Final Quarter of The 12 Chambers which The Idea of a Man™ will take us through. However, suffice to say until we acknowledge and begin to foster a relationship with Our Soul and Spirit which on a kind of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid would be a little further up the ladder. Our Body in this 3rd Dimension which until we become conscious of ourselves in dimensions transcendent of the 3rd Dimension dominates our consciousness will continue to make a lot of our choices for us.
Therefore, our biological ‘survival’ instinct begins to make its presence felt quite early in our process, not waiting on the cultivation of our maturity or enlightenment. As a result, how we show up in a relationship is often not the fullest expression of what is possible for us. And it is through trial and error that we learn some of life’s most intricate lessons. It’s in this arena that we discover the impact of our upbringing upon our psychological landscape and in this realm of vulnerable intimacy, that the metal of our hearts, minds, will and sovereignty will be tested to their extremities.
Therefore, our biological ‘survival’ instinct begins to make its presence felt quite early in our process, not waiting on the cultivation of our maturity or enlightenment. And as a result, how we show up in a relationship is often not the fullest expression of what is possible for us. Therefore, it is through trial and error that we learn some of life’s most intricate lessons. It’s in this arena that we discover the impact that our upbringing has had upon our psychological landscape and in this realm of vulnerable intimacy, that the steel of our Hearts, Minds, Will and Sovereignty are tested to their extremities.
Like everything else in life, how we respond to life’s tests will be reflected in the outcomes we experience. However, if we have within our arsenal, deeper more meaningful insights, they can go a long way toward helping us navigate this tricky terrain, as opposed to the usual stumbling in the dark with only the help of our bodily instincts being triggered by the clever, unscrupulous marketing of those whose agenda it is to trap unconscious men and women within society into economic necessities which ensure our Souls never get the opportunity to fully express themselves because all our currency gets channeled away from our own pockets directly into theirs. We’ll discuss this further in our deliberations in the Chamber we have already introduced on Finances, but suffice to say when looking at what drives our often dysfunctional behaviours in the arena of our Finances, the unconscious and unexamined processes of how we relate has huge financial implications. So this stuff is important.
There are many forms of exploitation to which the unconscious man falls prey. Having succumb to many such pitfalls in my own personal journey and having discovered some Most Helpful Tools in my brief sojourn albeit after many a failed attempt to be the ‘Perfect Man’, my mission here at The Idea of a Man™, is therefore, to share those ‘Tools’ through this work, and the first tool is of course to discover your Idea of a Man™ – and having discovered this, the next step is to live that truth in your world. That way whoever else is in your world gets to encounter the most authentic expression of you rooted in your sovereignty. Rooted in your sovereign right to exist without apology or justification, and as a result, you no longer have to keep up a masquerade, or expend energy maintaining a facade every time you show up.
As you do this work you’ll realise your authentic self is good enough and you get to give yourself the gift of unconditional acceptance – just as you are, and you understand if your life is not reflective of your Idea of a Man™, it is your responsibility to align yourself further with your truth for yourself and to eliminate from your life things which prevent you embodying your true-self.
This as you’ll imagine is quite literally a game changer, particularly if this is not how you’ve lived for most of your life. It is so transformative because it provides the stability to create functional as opposed to dysfunctional interactions and the energy you save can be used to fuel your life’s mission and purpose, and in your relationships the additional energy will enable you to support the life mission and purpose of your loved one also.
Authenticity and genuinity are rooted in truth, therefore, they provide you with a sure footing as there are no skeletons in your closet to excavate, or unaddressed elephants in your room, and nothing brushed under the carpet waiting for the opportunity to pounce and riddle your relationship with further drama and dysfunction accompanied by shame, disgrace and failure.
Doing ‘Shadow Work’ to excavate the shadows within our Male Archetypes, which are accrued as a result of wounds obtained in childhood is preparatory work to ground us, and bring about the healing we need so that our relationship with ourselves is tremendous before we participate in a relationship with another. For example healing the wounds which may have impacted The Lover Within enables balance as opposed to the being caught between the ‘either’, ‘or’ poles we see in The Shadows of the Lover – Addiction or Abstention.
Addiction usually arises when a scarcity mentality has embedded itself within our subconscious because we have decoded messages from our upbringing when love and connection were either withheld, or came with conditions attached.
But as grown ass men when we find our Inner Child seeing any ‘quick fix’ as a cure for unrealised longings we can rather than seeking to overcompensate for the lack we perceive by acquiring and devouring the carrots placed as bait for our unconscious mind take responsibility for ensuring we are getting and giving ourselves the love and sensuality we need which can be obtained from a variety of different sources.
However, the result of responding to external unvetted, unfiltered stimuli leaves the man and their Inner Child unfulfilled, frustrated and in many ways shamed because the quick fix is simply a plaster a band aid being put over a wound which required a whole bandage, and time out to heal.
On the flip side the Abdicated Lover, perhaps having had too many negative experiences in love, maybe as a result of those unfulfilling, frustrating and shaming experiences of the addicted lover mentioned above, or from other forms of trauma encountered in the vulnerability which love and connection require. The Abdicated Lover is someone who has decided not to broach such vulnerability any more, but to guard their heart and keep their cards close to their chest in order to prevent further discomfort from the grief which often accompanies Love.
Laying a foundation for our relationships by doing the work to heal these wounds means a lot of what we project externally and long for our significant other to fulfil for us is discovered to be just that, a projection of something that, in fact, exists inside of ourselves. There are gifts of love and attention which once we’ve healed our internal wounds we can give to ourselves. But it requires we heal if we are to administer self-love and self-care to ourselves. This wholesome connection with our Inner Lover is what is necessary to take the pressure off our significant other so they can blossom as the most authentic version of themselves because we are less needy and more integrated and more able to exude a healthy authentic expression of genuine love towards them.
Additionally when we grasp these lessons we begin to place a value on authenticity, because we’ve gone through this process in our own lives. Therefore, it enables us to have a deeper sense of appreciation of the authenticity we see reflected in our significant other.
Be assured your significant other will never feel so accepted and appreciated as when, as a result of learning to appreciate the immense value of your own authentic expression – you totally accept and appreciate them just as they are – for who they are!
Our relationship then becomes an environment where we can mutually blossom and grow because our mission is not to please or placate, but to unfold and express ever more authentic expressions of ourselves and to witness the unfolding of the authentic expression of another.
No Comments