"What's Your Idea of a Man?"

Give yourself the gift of acceptance! Look at yourself in the mirror and say dude/dudette I accept you, unconditionally and unreservedly; don’t wait for anyone else to do it for you or to you, do it too and for yourself, look yourself in the eye when you say it and mean it.

Some people have never had a relationship where this has been given to them from another human being and as a result you could exist without being aware that unconditional unreserved acceptance is something that you are lacking in your life.

Why is it a lack to not have these ingredients in your life? Well we’re all striving for acceptance, approval, love, respect etcetera. Whether it be for economic benefit, for companionship, love, sex or simply so you’re not left out in the cold lonely world on your lonesome, having to maintain your own company and put up a good show all the while being all too aware that it’s just the three of us the original trio – ‘me’, ‘myself’ and ‘I’ going home for coffee tonight.

Functioning exclusively on our own is unhealthy and for the most part unnecessary, there is a world full of people with hopes, dreams and aspirations also looking for friendship, companionship and the various other things that human beings can do with each other once they co-lab.

The problem with people is it doesn’t seem to matter how well-bred they are, how they were raised, whether they appear to have all their ducks in a row, their hair combed just so or their teeth brushed to a fine sheen. Some form of quirk, tendency, weirdness, or streak is inherent in them all. Kats be just strange. But who cares right, because if we’re honest – ‘us’ likewise. So the sooner we admit it, the sooner we can all just get along and start making human experience a mutually beneficious experience for one and all. And this indeed is the rub. When we don’t accept ourselves or we don’t feel intrinsically accepted and acceptable our vulnerability makes us all so susceptible to the need to bolster our position with embellishment and feint attempts to appear what we intrinsically feel we are not. a

When you know your worth you have no need to parade it, you can simply be. And those that don’t accept you for who you are, are quite simply not your people. Don’t waste one more moment seeking to impress people who frankly don’t care about you.

Put the fullest most unembellished version of yourself out there, undiluted and raw. This doesn’t necessarily need to be abrasive, in your face, and unpalatable per say, unless in fact that essentially is the raw, undiluted you. What I’m advocating here is whatever you are at core level know it, own it, and live it. Do you! And in so doing the energy you save and space you create for your own life which otherwise is so easily wasted on unnecessary folks can be directed to fulfilling your purpose and attracting to your life likeminded people who share your values and whose lifestyle befits yours.

Sometimes when we speak like this all sorts of unusual ideas come to mind and it’s easy to think I’m only speaking to a handful of fringe individuals. What’s important to understand is that so much of us live with inherited values, hand me down ideologies, perceptions of what we consider normal and acceptable and don’t even consider giving ourselves the permission to thinks outside these confines to enlarge our experience.

I love the way Tolkien depicts this in The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, in his portrayal of the hobbits mind-set and their apprehension towards adventures. The idea is that life doesn’t begin until we step out unto the journey of self-discovery and realise the great reserves of power we have inside of us. a

It’s when this journey begins we realise that in fact we are enough, we have what it takes to overcome all sorts of hurdles, to circumvent all sorts of obstacles and to surmount any number of mountains. So whoever you are and in whatever situation you find yourself recognise your intrinsic worth and your fundamental right to be you. And let’s see the authentic true you manifest unafraid and unashamed. The world will be a better place for it, and you will be healed and able to recognise the amazing contribution you only can bring to the table. Imagine the worth and value you’ll feel then. But it all starts with a choice.

It does however require courage I won’t lie to you; It will also need stamina, but a lot less stamina than is required to keep up a façade. The rewards come in a variety of ways; you’ll be surprised by the joy you’ll feel when you add value to others. And you’ll add more value to others when you live an authentic life and bring your true-self to the table as opposed to an embellished version. This isn’t an excuse to not develop yourself but it’s an encouragement to align your personal development in a tailored and very personal way, in line with yourself first and foremost, in line with your own perceptions of what life should be. Not based on anybody else’s ideology.

Now investing in yourself is investing in the real you. As you give yourself permission to live and express yourself, you can refine your offering as time goes by at the pace and in the ways that resonate with your true-self.  


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Hi I'm Omar Zac Phillips and I’m a writer. My Blog; theideaofaman.com is where I journal my experiences as a man and share The Idea of a Man Project, a 12 step process of self-discovery.

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